Thursday, December 09, 2010

Should I Worry?

Since I'm done with the holiday blog challenge; which was a lot of fun, I decided to write about my personal life. I just want to write on what's going on with my everyday life thoughts and challenges.

This January will be a year since my boy and I started dating. I haven't been this happy with a boyfriend since, well....EVER! He's a little older than I am, therefore already graduated from college and has a big boy job already. He got very lucky. A year is a a long time for me, but I wouldn't have it any other way right now. I am super happy.

I know I'm only 21, which I consider still 'young', so I'm not thinking WAY into the future, but when you have a boyfriend sometimes it's hard NOT to think of the "maybe's" or "what-if's"of the future. We watch House Hunters together all the time. It's weird because we both like all the same type of decorations, structure, and build. I can't help but think, "Wow, going to look for a house together would be so easy. We have the same 'house' tastes."

He also gets along with my family GREAT!!!! Like it's unbelievable how much my parents like him, especially my dad, who is hard to please sometimes when it comes to guys. He likes them probably more than he likes me. He said to me jokingly the other day, "Kris, if we ever get married and then divorced, I'm gonna claim your parents." It's feels so good to have a boyfriend get along with your family so well and they like him just as much.

I have to admit though, I'm scared to get hurt. What girl isn't? I'm head over heals for this boy and he has the power to hurt me. I learned in my last relationship to not let me guard down so soon. It took a long time for me to feel comfortable with my this new boy, like a good 6 months. So I learned (whether this is good or bad) to put a 'tough' front on. I don't want to feel vulnerable. In my last relationship he took advantage of the fact that I was so vulnerable. I know my new boy would NEVER EVER hurt me intentionally, but I'm still scared.

Still scared there's someone better out there for him.
Scared he'll leave me for her.
Scared of the what-if's.
Scared of what can become of us
and scared of the true feelings that I have developed for him.

We have not said the over-used three words yet, and to be honest I'm scared. What if I say it and he doesn't say it back? What if he doesn't feel the same way I do? And most dreadful...what if he never does say it?

I do have one fear. Some of he's ex's and past hookups are very attractive. Some are now single. However, when I first met him 3 1/2 years ago, he had a girlfriend. Whom he was dating quit awhile before I came along. When we met I did not know he had a girlfriend. We had kissed a couple times during the first few weeks of the quarter. Nothing more. One of his friends later told me he had a girlfriend. I was pissed, because I liked him then and he would have been stupid if he didn't know that. So we stopped talking. My fear, naturally, would be that he does the same thing to me, that he did to his ex-girlfriend. I know he's not in college anymore, but he is very attractive and I know other girls think so too. Am I wrong for fearing this?

I know he hasn't cheated on me since we've been together because I do think he has changed. So that's not what I'm worried about. I am, however, worried if he finds someone better he won't come and tell me.


Don't get me wrong, I really REALLY like my boy, more than I have ever liked any guy before. I just hope he is as happy as I am. :)

This is our puppy Bronx, we got a couple months ago! So cute!

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